As retribution for never finishing Finnegans Wake the way they swore they were going to 15 years ago, the ghost of James Joyce has taken control of Kliff from Crimson Desert and made it so some players are tortured by a book that makes you reread it constantly, even during boss fights. Or maybe developer Pearl Abyss’ new RPG has a bug, I really can’t tell.
Either way, “Fuck this book,” says one of many recent Reddit threads about the seemingly innocent Equipment Manual that tells you “how to operate factory equipment,” per its description. It claims to be helpful. In reality, Crimson Desert players report the Equipment Manual has been performing a hostile takeover of their games.
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“Looks like the book from Evil Dead haha,” says one comment, observing a compelling parallel between the poopy brown swirls on the Manual’s cover and Sam Raimi’s cursed tome bound in flayed demon skin. The books are certainly both nefarious; the latter turns attractive 20-somethings into oozing human trash bags while the former makes Crimson Desert boss fights seriously inconvenient.
“Where is the damn HUD update!” pleads one more Reddit thread. “Every time you die to a boss, this crap pops up. And it means you can’t pause. If you do, you open a damn book in the middle of a fight and you die.”
“It’s killing me in the middle of a fight that this is the fucking thing that comes up whenever I revive. I hate this fucking manual book. Fuck this shit,” another comment in a related thread says calmly.
“If I push your escape one more time and it opens a g****** book instead of pausing the game I’m gonna blow my top,” says yet another comment in yet another thread. Please, watch your language.
I’m sure Pearl Abyss is just worried about gamers’ reading goals this year. Once you accidentally pick up the parasitic Equipment Manual and ruin your life, you’ll be the envy of even your most well-read friends. Kliff’s brain will grow to the size of a walrus. Everything will soon make sense. Your dharma will be righteous, your knowledge of universal philosophies will be endless, there will be no blade of grass that goes unnoticed by you… unless Pearl Abyss simply issues another patch, which is probably the best option.
I hope Crimson Desert never fixes its weird controls.
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