There's a dog that can play League of Legends better than you

I’ve seen some terrible League of Legends players in my time. Inters. Griefers. People who are just genuinely awful at the game. Wood division may not be an official League of Legends rank, but trust me when I say it does exist. More often than not, I find myself leaving matches with a sense of complete and utter hopelessness: how can people be this bad? But UK-based streamer ‘PooperNoodle’ has brought some levity back to my life: a light at the end of a long, winding lane.

Allow me to introduce Pea, a small, brown, long-haired sausage dog (I initially typoed this as ‘god,’ and was honestly tempted to leave it that way). She’s best known for chilling on her bed while her owner, PooperNoodle, plays videogames, and has a remarkable talent for being able to stand up on her hind legs. That is one tall ‘lil lady.

To add to her accolades – she’s a Twitch ambassador and perhaps the cutest girl in the world – she’s now decided to become a professional League of Legends player (she’s also dabbled in Overwatch). Across a series of streams, PooperNoodle has been teaching Pea how to support like a boss by using a series of programmed buttons which, when pressed, activate in-game abilities. She’s currently sticking to Yuumi – arguably the MOBA’s easiest champion, even if she’s a cat (Naafiri’s in tears) – and while some of her ultimates are maybe a little too ambitious, I’ve seen real-life, bona fide humans play worse.

While PooperNoodle controls the mouse and levels up different abilities, Pea is in full control of what skillshots are thrown out. During the initial stream, Pea goes from being rather dozy to hyper-focused on her button mashing, with the blue one firing out her Prowling Projectile (Q), green giving her allies Zoomies (E), and orange dropping Final Chapter (R). You and Me!, Yuumi’s W, is a little bit harder to work with and relies on mouse placement, so PooperNoodle’s handling that bit.

While the initial bot game isn’t exactly the highest-tier gameplay in the world (judging by the movement of some of Pea’s teammates, I’d argue the entire lobby was probably bots), she does land some clutch shields that save the Miss Fortune that seems intent on consistently running under tower.

The duo then go on to take on real players in Swiftplay, League of Legends’ streamlined Summoner’s Rift mode that condenses the action down to 20 minutes versus the normal 35 to 45 minute experience. We can’t have Pea burning out, after all.  She starts out pretty strong with some well-timed Qs, and a clutch E almost saves her Caitlyn from a particularly ugly collapse.

Her current score is two wins to three losses, which is probably pretty indicative of the League of Legends experience. As a support main, I rate her a solid 200/10, even if she does steal the odd minion and miss the odd ult. Her jungler should have just played better.

@poopernoodle gamer dog Pea tries League of Legends 🎮 #dachshund #minidachshund #pea #dogsotiktok #cutedog #fyp ♬ original sound – poopernoodle

It’s safe to say that everyone is obsessed with Pea. On TikTok, the official League of Legends account responded to her video with “so this is who I’m losing lane to.” But, more generally, I’m just happy to see good things coming out of the LoL community. Renowned for its toxicity, it’s moments like that that remind me why I love League of Legends – it’s the same feeling I got when I interviewed rock-solid Malphite master Jay ‘PlainSundaee’ Mita. It’s a reminder that we all love the game. Who knows, maybe typing ‘dog’ in the chat is now a compliment?

You can drop PooperNoodle a sub here. If Pea ever wants to duo, I’m up for it, even if I’ll have to off-role. To be honest, she’s already a better support than I; I know when I’m beaten. Bow down to our fuzzy, unkillable demon queen.