CD Projekt and Nerial reveal Reigns: The Witcher, a strategy game in which Geralt dies a million, delicious ways

Good news everybody! Geralt of Rivia is dead. He lies beneath a pile of naked, sculpted, drunken bodies in a castle ballroom. Actually, that’s not right – he’s been eaten by a dragon. Actually, that’s not right either – he drowned himself in a flagon of syrup. Fair audience, please consider which of these tragic eventualities is most befitting of your hand-claps and progression points. None of them meet your standards? Then I, Dandelion, must sing Geralt’s death anew.

Nerial and Devolver Digital have partnered with CD Projekt RED to make Reigns: The Witcher. I’m sure I don’t need to explain that this is a new version of Nerial’s cherished card-swiping narrative strategy game, which takes place in The Witcher’s grotty and magical medieval universe. The game casts you as temporarily embarrassed ‘master poet’ Dandelion, who is both Geralt’s best mate and very often, the biggest pain in his arse.

Dandelion and Geralt have a bet on that Dandelion can’t become an ‘immortal bard’ in one year. To win the bet, Dandelion must spin progressively fancier, longer, sillier and more thrilling tales about Geralt’s heroism, all of which seemingly end in his demise.

As in regular Reigns, this is done by drawing event cards and swiping left or right to make decisions that fill or empty four gauges at the top of the screen. There’s also a combat system, which sees you tapping to make Geralt hop left or right on a grid of descending damage, spell and attack icons. Between tales, you’ll channel your audience’s initially grudging applause into level-ups that unlock new starting story concepts and modifiers. “Geralt The Bathed”, for example, makes Geralt stink less, improving his standing with certain kinds of people, though I imagine there will be repercussions of the “got smelled stalking a werewolf” variety.

I’ve had a quick fiddle with a preview build, and this seems like it’ll scratch your itch if you enjoy either The Witcher or Reigns, though it has yet to surprise me, and is likely best played on a phone. The writing is as daft and bouncy as you’d expect from both Dandelion and the writers of Reigns. The Reigns artstyle is perhaps a bit worn-out at this stage – there have been three other spin-offs, including Reigns: Game of Thrones – but it remains crisp and suave with some nifty takes on Tarot. The music readily conjures the taverns of the Nilfgaardian Empire.

I’m interested to see whether there are nods to the other cardgames in The Witcher universe – both the porno pin-up collecting from the 2008 original game, which we Don’t Talk About Nowadays, and the more recent, beloved Gwent. Mostly, though, I just want to see how far Nerial can warp Geralt and The Witcher universe via Dandelion’s improvisations, particularly given that CD Projekt are dialling up the seriousness with The Witcher 4. Do a custard pie-based death, next, Dandelion. You can make it some kind of sex scene, if you wish.