Zero Parades For Dead Spies review – ZA/UM's spy drama stands strong, but doesn't escape Disco Elysium's shadow

Zero Parades: For Dead Spies is a story about a lot of things. Capitalism and rampant consumerism. Neo-colonialism and the fallout of feuding politicians. Friendship and betrayal, and the consequences of both. Yet, for me, it was a game about rubbing men’s bald spots. Yes, it’s absolutely as weird as it sounds.

In many ways, Zero Parades is an inherently lonely experience. Cast as Hershel Wilk – codenamed CASCADE – you meander through Portofiro on your lonesome – no Kim Kitsuragi here. Your companion, PSEUDOPOD, is zeroed out. It quickly becomes apparent that various members of your old crew, who you left here following your mysterious final mission, are either dead or going to die. Zero Parades is crushing in its sense of loneliness; even when you finally meet other, like-minded people, you’re a relic of days gone by – a past that, perhaps to some, should never have been dredged up.

That’s why I decided to start touching men’s bald spots. It began with a simple choice in my inherited apartment. With PSEUDOPOD collapsed on the floor, I was presented with the perfect opportunity. Will rubbing his head bring him back to life? Will it summon the missing memories of my past from the deepest recesses of my mind? Turns out no, it won’t. But it did grant me a plus one buff for skill checks, so I made it my mission to keep touching bald spots – not only did I gain something, it was a flicker of levity in a world gone dark.

Yet, despite the depression, the instability of a potential takeover by “technofacist” empire La Luz, Portofiro still has personality (which I’d argue I add to with my bald spot touching). In many ways, Portofiro is reminiscent of Brazil – while it’s certainly inspired by the Soviet bloc, its bright colors and shabby housing are juxtaposed with sprawling mansions and rich tourists, who scour the Bootleg Bazaar with glee for fake Luzian merchandise. It’s akin to Copacabana beach being adjacent to favelas: while the rich play, the poor suffer in silence.

The region’s characters are equally as colorful. Petre, an elderly gentleman, shakes his fists at Luzian-imported, replayable music, dubbed ‘L-Pop.’ He sells the RPG’s equivalent of vinyls (or ‘Einzeltone’), with some of the disks (emblazoned in red) coming with the catch that they can only be played once. Not far from him lurks Carmuna, the Bazaar’s designated gossip, an older woman who flogs you old clothes. In Party Alley, I meet everyone from a deranged doctor to two young girls dressed up like Luzian pop princess, Ultra Violeta. They speak in teenage tongues, too obscure for my ancient self to understand. Zero Parades makes you feel very old, and very out of place, very quickly. Not only are you alone, but you’re a stranger in a strange land.

Each of these characters is infused with ZA/UM’s signature wit, which I genuinely found myself laughing at. It’s as subtle as it was in Disco Elysium, and equally as clever. Sure, there are a few cheaper jokes in here (see ‘touching a man’s bald spot’ for reference), but its political quips and real-world-inspired commentary keep you intrigued throughout the story, which, while itself is strong, benefits from the humor.

The dialog trees (and associated quips) available to you depend on the archetype that you choose to play as. As the Soulful type, my approach was to be socially manipulative, bending others’ will to fit my own. With fewer skills on offer than in Disco Elysium (there are only 15 total in Zero Parades), I scattered my points across Athletic and Psychological, using my Thoughts and outfits to bolster each of those.

I was excited to hear how Zero Parades’ narrator spun my chaos into virtual reality – Lenval Brown does an incredible job in Disco Elysium, and I was interested to see if Hershel could live up to my expectations. Yet, where Brown managed to give each of Disco Elysium’s 24 skills a unique feel and voice, I’m not sure Zero Parades manages to get that same level of depth this time round. The narrator’s voice is gravelly; it’s a rough-and-ready English accent. Yet, it feels like that’s the only voice we hear. While Statehood is a more military-esque, regimented version of it, something like Poetics, which I imagine should be singsong and lyrical, doesn’t really sound any different from the likes of Sensors, which feels like it should be somewhat frantic. It all begins to feel a little one-note, which is disappointing at best, but grating at worst.

Similarly, I found that a lot of the voiceover didn’t quite match up to what was written on the page, and in some cases it simply wasn’t there at all. I was, of course, playing an early version of the game, and was informed that some voiceover was being added over time. There was a considerable amount missing, however, which not only messed with my immersion, but also left me wondering whether ZA/UM will actually manage to get it in there this close to launch.

All of this is relatively familiar; however, let’s talk new features. A core part of Zero Parades is managing three respective ‘status’ bars: your Anxiety, Delirium, and Fatigue. You can go home and rest once a day to alleviate some of these, but most of the time you’ll be chugging down cans of iced coffee (some of which are more alluring than others) or bottles of beer. Coffee, while reducing Fatigue, increases Anxiety, while beer reduces Anxiety, but increases Delirium. It’s a fun little balancing act, amplified when you make mistakes during dice rolls, or Exert yourself to try and secure a better result.

The Exert system works similarly to the ‘push’ system in the likes of Call of Cthulhu, Chaosium’s TTRPG, or advantage in Dungeons and Dragons. It effectively gives you an extra die to work with (the total rises to three), increasing your chances of success. You won’t suffer an inherently negative cause for a failure – the floor won’t collapse from beneath you if you fail to stealth – but one of three bars will take a hit, and a relatively significant one at that. If you think about it logically, you are forcing yourself to focus your mind and body, pushing it beyond its limit; that’s bound to take a toll.

As someone who loves TTRPGs – with Call of Cthulhu being a personal favorite – I really did enjoy the Exertion system. I think it adds a little bit of extra sparkle, and while I did find that I passed three out of four of the exerted rolls (perhaps a little too many), I liked the narrative feeling of pushing the boundaries to get what I wanted. It’s exactly what a spy would do; it’s what CASCADE, desperate to find out what’s happening to her, would do.

Perhaps the biggest addition to Zero Parades is the turn-based dramatic encounters. These are effectively the game’s combat sequences, but there’s no actual fighting gameplay. Instead, they’re more like classic TTRPGs: the system asks you what you want to do, showing you the various dice rolls and skill checks required to do so, as well as your likelihood of success. From here, you choose where the story goes.

After leaving the lair of the Bootleg Bazaar’s quasi-mob boss, I’m tasked with evading an agent of The Weeping Eye, who Hershel appears to have some bloody history with. I can Evaluate the situation, which basically translates to checking out my options and my chances of failure, then select my pathway. If you’re playing Physical and want to get yourself into fights, you can advance on the agent (who’s conveniently wearing a very ugly coat) and get up in his business. If you’re like me, however, your words are your weapons, not your fists, so the stealthy route is the better option.

These encounters are certainly dramatic, and the ripple effects caused by passing or failing roles are felt throughout the rest of the game. Yet, I would perhaps have liked a little more urgency here: maybe add in a timer so that you have to make choices on the fly. It would certainly have added an interesting new dynamic, but perhaps that’s something that’s better at higher difficulty levels as a modifier. Either way, they’re a fun new addition that shakes things up a bit, especially when you’re getting a little tired of the narrator’s somewhat droning voice.

Now it’s worth noting that ZA/UM has gone through myriad changes post-Disco Elysium, and is currently involved in a high-profile legal case regarding the rights to the IP. Discussions of technofacism and colonialism certainly weren’t lost on me while playing, and I’m sure there’ll be a lot of discourse surrounding the studio and Zero Parades post-launch.

As a product and a ‘new game to play,’ however, Zero Parades does feel like something new. There are aesthetic and gameplay similarities, but it’s distinct enough from Disco Elysium to stand as something unique. Is it a little safer? Perhaps. The ability to approach scenarios in the way you see fit certainly feels like it’s taken some inspiration from Baldur’s Gate 3 and other roleplay-heavy games, as does the bigger map. Yet, I enjoyed my time with it as someone who’s a fan of both the original game and the spy thriller genre.

I’m not sure if it’s a game I’d go back to time and time again – I really do find the narration quite hard to deal with – but Zero Parades achieves what it sets out to do. The essence of Disco Elysium is there, dressed up in a tan trench coat and a trilby hat instead of a green blazer and a talkative tie. The wit and political cynicism of the first game transcends, but this time it’s a different cast with a different set of problems. But in some instances, much like its predecessor, it throws caution to the wind and just makes you laugh. Like when you rub a man’s bald spot and get a luck buff. Just don’t try that one in real life.